In the grand scheme of things,I’m new to all this, it may be four years, and five months since our daughter died.
But death lasts forever,it happened before her and of course since. So, in the scheme of being a bereaved mum I am four years and five months old. An infant.
I struggle to make sense of how society is around baby (child loss) bereavement. The poor support, the boredom from people who move on, the minimal time scale a grieving parent should have.
If I were to say to a widow, “Isn’t it about time you were over all that now.” Or if someone had said to me “At least you have your mother,she can always marry again.” In response to the death of my dad, I’d most likely have shouted them down.
Disrespectful, downright rude.
Yet if you lose a baby, particularly through miscarriage, babies who never come home.
The times I heard “at least she didn’t come home”. Or being called a miscarriage because nobody had met her.
People can be unkind.
When did it all become such a taboo?
Acceptable to essentially attack a grieving parent?
As history had it, the dead,particularly lost children were respected. Staged photos with the dead children,to make memories,a way of respect, back then infant mortality was much higher then,than it is now.
But why they change?
I’ve had friends share babies who’ve never taken a breath, photos are all they have,but then have gone on to get abused in the most vile way.
But society often deems this acceptable. An attitude of ” Well, we don’t need to see that”. That sentence in itself is harmful.
I’ve donated to many a charity in the past, health related ones,animal welfare, refugees. If I can I will.
The community spirit in all of the above is how it should be.
You mention baby loss people may as well run for the hills, just yesterday,one of my lovely team members had a lip curl and snarl because she mentioned baby loss.
Mentioning baby loss noy only makes parents feel less alone,but it brings awareness, can ultimately save babies lives.
Millie’s Trust came about because Millie died,her parents with her memory have gone on to save others the heart ache.
Maisons Memory another because of an accident, works closely with safety measures to keep other babies safe.
Towards Tomorrow Together came because a baby died, and now his parents help support others.
Baby loss should never ever be a taboo.
I know people get pissed off with me speaking openly about my girl, about her death.
It is because she’s MY GIRL.
She has actually, herself changed a procedure at the hospital. ROP testing.
So,please tell me.
Why is it so disgusting to speak about?
Why are people so insensitive to bereaved parents?
If you don’t find it acceptable to question a widow, or someone who has lost a parent or even a pet, then please note.
It isn’t acceptable to do it to a bereaved parent either.
We need to break this taboo.
We need to keep talking.
It isn’t catching,but it will save a life.