Right from the moment Melody was born, there was always some kind of balancing act.
Juggling some kind of normal home life, to visits to the hospital, with a 45/60 minute bus ride to boot, as I couldn’t drive from having a c-section.
Then of course the balance after she died.
That pull to keep going, there was no place to spend days in bed, no place to sit and cry until you felt bone dry. But at the same time, there needed to be tears, so grief wouldn’t be suppressed.
Though to be honest, was hard to push the tears down.
A balance between remaining happy and heartbroken over Melody.
To make sure my children had happy memories, whilst at the same time remembering her.
People always assume if you already have children, even loss parents, that your loss isn’t as significant. This is where the no comparing comes in, I think finding the balance of grief and normality is incredibly difficult when not only you have children, but when the whole world are watching in case you grieve the wrong way. If the choices you make, rightly or wrongly become
“Because of what happened with Melody”
We will always at some point, to balance something, from triggers to guilt, to making memories to remembering. I think we have found for now that right balance for our family.