I have the obvious mother love for all my children, that includes Melody.
But the love for her I have is a little more than the black and white obvious.
I never felt like she was my own.
From her being whisked away, being held and fed by someone else first.
To never bringing her home.
Buried in a place that is so public.
But of course burial was one of the few decisions we had…buried or cremated.
Of course she is mine, as I said I love her unconditionally like my other children, I have to work harder to make her exist, not for people who obviously know us.
But for the “How many children do you have?” People.
Confused look on their faces, when you can’t answer in a simple way.
Or when you say the number, you can see them counting, but there is always minus one.
Learning to love through grief, isn’t as straight forward either.
The initial fighting the 5 stages of grief.
Living with the 5 stages of grief.
Then instead of grieving over the daughter we lost, worrying about the people who either walk away, or tell us how to grieve, when their words are empty, because they have no idea.
My love for her will never end.