Day Thirty Intention #captureyourgrief

I intend to learn more in honour of my precious child/ren Melody Caitlyn. 
My intention is to learn a lot more from my grief, to pass on the knowledge that I have so sadly had to find out in the most worst possible way, to try my best to help those who step on to this path, tightly hold hands whilst they walk through the needles scattered across the floor, help to make the path clearer, the pain breathable, when breathing is the last thing you want to do, when you hear 
“She won’t survive”. 
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To pass on my knowledge of statistics, and symptoms, let women know that they should never feel afraid or embarrassed to seek a professional opinion. To trust their bodies, their instincts, and to question, everything. Because not everything is as black and white as straight forward policies and text books, you and your baby are individuals. 
I don’t want our baby to have died for nothing, she was an individual 
she should have been treated as one. 
My intention is to change this. 
*
My intention is to regain my relationship with Melody, to take a moment, maybe not every day but to try and muster the strength to be able to feel her near me. 
To remember the ones who say they do aren’t feeling her, 
she’s trying to find her way back to her family. 
This one is a big one for me. 
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Finally to continue to write, I want to add to the next phase of Mayflower’s Rainbow. Grief for your child doesn’t end at another baby, nor does it end at a year. Another baby doesn’t replace what you have lost, so I’d like to add in addition to my first book, life instead of after loss, but through it, because simply for me there is no after, just a beginning and a middle, it will always remain, I am sure of that. 

Sharing my girl
Two Hours old
Ten Days Old holding Daddy’s Finger. 
She is so much like her siblings especially her little sister. 
Miss her every day. 
Because I am her mum. 






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