#captureyourgrief Day Nine

Family
Easy one, of course is our family unit. unbeaten.
People blamed us for putting this mess onto the children –  we didn’t ask for this to happen, 
We didn’t know this was going to happen. 
We should have hidden our loss from them. 
Even had crazy things said that I don’t love my older two children BECAUSE I talk about Melody, this was said to me a month after she had died. 
Really, we have had no choice but to be open with them, they know she has gone and that she won’t ever come back, we did lighten the load initially, and we were criticised for this, 
when actually professionals praised us for how well we all coped as a unit. 
Unfortunately the ones criticising weren’t the ones offering help and support, just interference and belittlement, also assumed we spent our lives crying in the corner, or questioning when we visited her graveside, when actually a lot of the time, it is the children who ask to visit her. 
We could never have hidden her death, they met her, she is their sister, saying she had just disappeared, hiding her would have made things a whole lot worse. 
But by them knowing a lot of what happened (not all), we’re helping the next generation to break the silence, to smash the taboo. 
This makes me so proud of the children I am raising, into fine human beings. 
There are days where I want to be “just a normal mum”, so if someone asks how many children I’ll say 4, only for my son or daughter to say, 
“Mummy you have 5, we have a sister who lives in the clouds”, 
I am so proud they do this, without prompt too. 
And now they are teaching their younger sisters about Melody. 
Again, all prompted by their own thoughts, and again working with bereavement team I know what we are doing is the right thing. 
My husband has been a tower of strength. 
I am in awe on how strong he has been, picking me up, holding me tight so all my broken pieces feel stuck together again. 
I do not know how he does it. 
I am one very lucky wife and mother, to have such wonderful people in my family. 

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