“Where are you in your grief right now?”
I am 18 months and 6 days into this shitty “journey”
18 months into the realisation that the “old” me has gone.
The notion that part of me left with Melody.
How are you feeling?
I have a sense of calm
A sense of nothing is here to stay.
Noticing the world around me can be a beautiful place
Even if I had to say goodbye to our baby.
It hurts like hell….
How far have you come?
18 months and 6 days is how far I have come.
I’ve moved into the Hotel California
And this is where I will stay.
Are you wrestling with anything?
Guilt for mentioning her
Guilt for walking away from the people who couldn’t be there for us in our most darkest days.
Wrestling with the idea we will NEVER have answers to things we want to know…
Should we have fought more?
Should we have made them work harder, for longer
We’ll forever wrestle this.
Is your heart heavier or lighter now?
It’s neither heavy or light,
I am in between
I am a wife who wears a mask
A mummy of 4
And a bereaved mummy
That will never change.
So for now I am just me
The top picture was taken days after Melody’s funeral
The grey skies that followed us, Melody knew we wouldn’t forget her
The bottom was taken August 2013.
The sunnier times, to put a smile on our faces
Love you Melody