Sharing a positive and negative memory that has been significant in this journey.
The words we were greeted with at 915am, the morning of Sunday 1st April 2012. These words haunt me forever.
I find it especially difficult as the woman speaking these words is very much part of my future care.
It’s not her fault, but I blame her for telling me, I’d only have 15 mins left with my baby alive.
When I see her now I can’t hear what she is saying apart from those 7 evil words. Feeling my legs buckle every time.
To be honest, apart from other negative aspects, there’s nothing worse than hearing these words, asking us whether or not they could remove her ventilator. I know this will stay with us forever.
My significant positive memory would be of course meeting my beautiful little girl. Knowing in her final moments, how brave she was, not a tear parted from her eyes, though her dying is such a negative memory, knowing that this brave tiny little person is ours, she knew her mummy and daddy wanted to say warm goodbyes, knowing it was difficult enough she didn’t show her fear. Knowing we’ll always have our very own guardian angel watching over us and her brother and sister….
Which brings me to the next positive, my angel and my friends angel brought two grieving mummy’s together, Melody brought her to me when she was still in NICU, the the closer push came when she graduated with her wings.
This for me was a positive memory. She’s taught me how to be a different person, as I know I’ll never be the same again, but she has taught me the positive side to this.
I am in fact allowed to grieve and speak of Melody. And that no one should judge unless they have walked my shoes.
I’ll always be grateful to her and hope one day I can have just a little bit of her strength….