melody and me

The Countdown. Day 34. Final Day of Normality

We were off to visit Melody today, all of us apart from her big sister, who’d gone to a birthday party.

We were nervous about the visit as she’d had a couple of ‘bad’ days. It was upon entry with my little boy we were greeted with the news, that we could finally have a cuddle with her, after days of not being able to.

This meant her big brother could see her outside of the incubator for the first time, he was so excited. A grin spread right across his face; he was keen to love his baby sister properly.
(Patiently waiting)
As usual, the nurses opened her incubator, I was always scared about holding her. But it was always so amazing to do so.
So soft. She certainly seemed to love cuddles.
Just making it to 2lb, she was still so tiny.
Her brother was in awe of her, he told her about his train collection, he even showed her a train. They were going to be the best of friends; that we knew already about all three of them. They were going to build a life and memories together. Them against the world.
We even managed an almost family photo.
Of course, now I wish that I had never let my daughter go to that party.
She should have been with us. It has to be one of my most painful regrets.
Melody was doing so well, she’d picked up so much that the next day her big sister could see her out of the incubator too and watch a nappy change; there had even been talks of maybe a little cuddle or even help with a feed.
We were going to have a mummy and daughters’ day.
We’d decided we’d have a picnic close to the hospital, no clock watching. Just time spent together. We were incredibly excited.
Our first of many girly days. That was what was meant to happen.
That is what should have happened. But it didn’t…

“I know you’re leaving in the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it’s not a dream…”

Paramore – Only Exception

 We said good bye to what was our normality that day – without uttering a single word, or knowing that it was the end of that normality. Until all we knew was something new. 

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