Music can be such an important part of life. We have a soundtrack of our childhood; remembering the moments we had with friends or the memories of songs when big things like our exams happened.
When we fall in love we have a song to remind us of our love, the songs which become the soundtrack to our weddings. Music has a way of bringing every emotion, just by sound.
I used to love rock music – I still do, but it was my go to genre of music. Marilyn Manson was one of them. In 2011 we were picking songs for our wedding, and then again for our blessing a few months later.
A year later we were deciding songs for a funeral. We decided almost straight away that we didn’t want her to have hymns; although I do wish I had sung her at least one lullaby. We felt that hymns were for older people.
Songs for her funeral
We took a little time to think and to decide; we didn’t really know what would be right, but we also knew that planning a baby’s funeral wasn’t right either. We just went with how we felt as her parents.
Amazing Grace via Bag Pipes (sadly not real ones)
My Love by Sia
Every Breath You Take – By Sting and the Police
Each were perfect for her.
Music Changed for Me
I still enjoy rock music, but I have opened myself up to a whole world of different genres. I deleted a lot of my Marilyn Manson collection. I won’t go into details but if you know his music, you will probably understand why.
Other songs I began to hate, while other songs reminded me of the split life – the before and the after. Like Paramore Decode; it reminded me of such an innocent time in our life. Before everything changed.
Songs Which Remind Me of Her
Coldplay – Yellow. ‘Her’ colour is yellow, being a spring baby and the yellow flowers.
Bruno Mars – It Will Rain. We had amazing weather during the time she was alive, glorious sunshine in March. But the afternoon of her wake it began to rain and it didn’t stop, making it one of the wettest summers on record!
Joshua Radin – Winter. This song was on a television show I was watching when I was pregnant, of course it was winter we had snow that year too.
The Wanted – Gold Forever. Back to the colour, but the lyrics too.
Ed Sheeran – Photograph.
Ed Sheeran – Castle on the Hill
Kate Havnevik – Grace
Ben Cocks – So Cold
Aron Wright – In the Sun
KT Tunstall – The Universe and U
Avril Lavigne – Slipped Away
Pink Floyd – Wish you were here.
Discovering Different Music.
Since her death, I have discovered the most amazing pieces of music. Some to bring the first smiles whilst some sends shivers through your whole body.
Lissie – Everywhere I go
Sia – Rainbow (Not because of rainbows after a storm, but community)
Adaline – Say Goodbye
Ingrid Michaelson – Without You
Anna Nalick – Breathe
One Two – Without You
Great Big World – Say Something
Ed Sheeran – Small Bump
Sia – Angel by the wings
P!nk – Beam Me Up
Nick Cave – O’ Children
Sara Jackson Holman – Freight Train
Finding any joy in music isn’t easy, because it has such an impact on our lives, some songs which are loved and reminded of wonderful memories can never be heard again.
Planning music for a baby’s funeral is not right. But it is one of the few things we have left to do for them.