What wisdom could you share for family and friends wanting to help a loved one who has experienced the death of their baby or child? When she died we made the difficult decision to share her death on social media. But of course, looking back now I wish we’d waited and announced in a more controlled environment and slower. But I guess there’s not a right or wrong way to have done it. We were receiving “Get Well” wishes, but she had already gone.
Wisdom for friends and family.
Make sure you contact the parents/family of the lost child. Their whole world has been blown apart, they’re looking for people to give answers, for eyes that tell them that everything is going to be okay. They’re also looking for blame, for someone to say it was all a mistake.
It’s so isolating, not everyone will be able to understand what you are going through, but empathy goes a very long way. Thoughts on helping a family to remember their baby, allowing them to speak freely, without being forced to feel like they have to move on, get over it or remain silent. Their much loved, much wanted child died, the unimaginable has happened, families need love and not misguided advice, which ends up hurting people more.
Leaving the bereaved alone, leaves them questioning themselves about their actions, about why nobody wants to support and help them.
Making them feel like they’re to blame for everything, from losing their child to losing their network of family and friends.
It’s important to keep being there, they’re allowed to cry, scream and be angry. But laughing and joking, it doesn’t mean they’re healed; it just means that they are finding a way to cope, to be free from the pain of losing their child; even if for just a moment.
Just be there when the bad days are dark, because the lighter days are of beauty, and shouldn’t be missed.