The songs played at her funeral, would have to be the biggest of triggers when it comes to sounds and songs.
Which is Amazing Grace by Bag pipes. Every Breathe You Take by Police,it had to be the original, not Puff Daddy’s Version. Of course my personal trigger is Sia My Love.
But over the years,I’ve fallen in love with other songs which remind me of her but not in such a gut wrenching way. Other Sia songs included. Bird Set Free and Photograph by Ed Sheeran are two which make me think of her.
Of course would be Spring. It is her season. The day she was born,Spring arrived early, it was hot the weather was beautiful the whole time she was here. Everything about Spring reminds me of her,the colours, the flowers, most particularly Daffodils. Hold significance, they’re not here for long,but when they are they brighten the world around them. Much like preemies who don’t make it.
I’ve mentioned it in previous years,but it isn’t something I pay huge attention to,unless it hits me. (Makes sense in my head).
But if I’m honest I’m not sure if it is a post Melody trigger or post Hyperemesis trigger.
For instance, the alleyway which leads to the place we used to live, (it wasn’t home, I hate it). We moved out 13 months later,the smell,the shadows the alley gives, I can manage it once a year if I have to,the property was attached to a bakery,another place I cannot handle going in to. Maybe twice I have been in since.
The biggest trigger I have discovered just recently, I’m guessing it will of course always be there. Is the smell of the hospital,the sounds the echoes,everything,takes me back to the life I used to know.
I causes me great deal of anxiety being there, I didn’t realise just how obvious it is. One I definitely hate.
I cannot remember what she smells like. I can just about remember the two huge differences iin temperatures, but her smell.
We’ve a pink blanket in a memory box,we’d hoped would have the smell locked away,but sadly it’s gone.
I wish there was a way to bottle the smells,the baby smell. May be there is,but it’s not something I have. I wish I did.
Her smell wasn’t the same as the typical baby smell,she also had the scent of her incubator and the vapotherm,which made her scent so unique.
I wish I could remember.
Everything is fading.
I don’t like it.