Today is a difficult one. I have very few treasured items regarding Melody, so they are all very special.
I have her hand and foot prints, her final photos even a lock of her hair would you believe. Had she been born to term I think she could have been my first baby born with hair! She had a lovely coating of hair, some days it looked red, just like mummy and her sister other days she looked more blonde.
Today I will be sharing a picture that is very special to me, and I am terrified it’ll fade, we’ll have it canvassed in to a larger print one day.
I would like to have shared her prints with you but they are safely tucked away in her beautiful memory box that was given to us by some amazing ladies. Since it was opened, filled and closed we have yet to find the courage to re-open it.
I’m not sure what we are frightened of, it’s very hard to explain, but we know we’re not strong enough to open it, maybe we never will be, we know it’s there we know the things in that box holds nearly everything to do with Melody, even her blanket she was given by NICU it has her scent on it meaning the scent is locked away too.
Maybe it’s our “elephant in the room” I hope one day we can have a peek again.
Now the picture I am sharing is a picture a lot of parents would take for granted in being able to have.
It is a picture of all three of my children together, it is the only one. They used to absolutely love talking to and stroking Melody, the nurses encouraged it so they could bond with her and visa versa. We could tell she would listen out for their voices. Though the children didn’t spend a huge amount of time with her due to the heat of the unit and being so overwhelmed by machines etc, but they really did love going in to see her.
They still regularly speak of her, even if we don’t happen to bring her up which means so much to us when often adults are scared to bring her up but the children don’t seem to be.
Melody was 13 days old she’d turned her heard to the sound of her sister and brother’s voices
Thank you for reading my Capture of Grief 2012 so far, really is something to raise awareness on such a taboo subject. I just wish it never existed, like we all do