Short listing and Releasing

Although I’d published A Mayflower’s Rainbow in 2014,it was just something put together, “in print” looked better than scrap pieces of paper, or the journal I’d once penned my early thoughts,sat in a waiting room for visitors, for a breather or to express.
The copy arrived,I briefly read it once, then I put it away,on the book shelf,hidden from view, hidden from my mind. Packed away with that elephant in the room.
Too painful to read it myself.
It wasn’t really something I was looking in to advertising. People knew but that was it.
Tucked away. Like her.

Then a nomination for the Butterfly Awards arrived. A wonderful occasion raising much needed awareness for such a taboo subject. I’ve never been,but have nominated in passed years.
Never in a million years did I expect to get shortlisted. I never thought I’d be good enough.
I still don’t.
So,when the news filtered through about the shortlisting, after some thought, I agreed to release the little corner of my brain into the big wide world.
So,far it has been an amazing experience.
Surreal but amazing. Terrifying but excited.
I worry I’ve made the right decision.
I’ll make a mistake and let everyone down.

When I talk about Melody, I can tell some people think it’s an attention thing.
It isn’t the attention I’d have chosen.
I talk about her because she’s my little girl,the same as I’d mention my others.
I’m actually nervous of the attention from the book, the shortlisting,but it has given me the boost to write more,even if no one reads it,through the opportunity that the awards and A Mayflower’s Rainbow have given me,it’ll be a fantastic attempt at my dream.

My three year daughter, Melody’s little sister, carries the book around proudly stating it’s her mummy’s book. Pointing to it as she passes the book shop.
For this reason, one of many to why I decided that now is an OK time to share the book. To raise the awareness, that babies do die.
Some are preventable, of course some aren’t.
But to show more does need to be done about saving little lives.
For my daughters and maybe my son’s wife, to never go through the heartache of burying their precious baby. But to know if they were,then I can stand by them,and not stand above them.

I really hope the book,reads OK as I say I can’t read it,and it is in its raw form,unedited.
But then,there is nothing unedited about baby loss.

I am overwhelmed by the kind thoughts, and wishes regarding.
Thank you for the support,for reading.
To the opportunity given by Amanda,book selling and papers.
The work of Towards Tomorrow Together for their support with the support group I run.

Of course John, there aren’t enough words to thank him in everything.
Children and Friends. I’m lucky. So lucky.

As I write this I’ve just been informed that BBC Somerset would like to speak to me this coming week.
We also have a fundraising event in February, so watch this space.

Keep Breathing. 
Thank you if you’ve gotten this far.

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