She didn’t get in.

Had things worked out like the majority of parents, I’d be waiting eagerly to find out if she’d gotten in to the only school we’d have put on the list.
She’d have been going to play school with her little sister today,excited that she’d be going to the school in a few months.

But she didn’t get in.
She didn’t get offered a place.
She didn’t get a letter.

The tiny,secret hope that actually she may get a letter just for an acknowledgement that she was here,she existed. To see her name in an official document, outside her death certificate.
But of course that won’t be so.

She never got the chance ” to grow too fast”.
These type of days are another of those missed milestones.
Having a birth 4 years ago, but not having a four year old to do the next stage with.
Missing milestones are an ass, a type to floor you for a moment in time, counting to the next,because you know the next will be harder than a pinch.
An unused school uniform.

I’m not writing to make people feel sad or guilty for their excitement. That’s not what I want.
I’m writing today Monday 18th April to give Melody an acknowledgement that she deserves.

Melody has not been offered a place at the school we would have chosen.
Melody stopped growing.
Just another day.

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