May

Glad to see the back of April
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Knowing things aren’t as heavy as they have been.
A way to now be able to breathe alone.
Then the is the month that should have been.
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A month that has a little bit of an uphill struggle,
but simply because it is full of…
“should have”
Even the word is a possibility.
Sadly I know I am not alone.
The bitter-sweet.
Originally Melody’s due date was 28th May.
But as I would have to have a c-section it was brought forward to 22nd May.
The date that “should have” been her birthday.
But as we know we only got to February.
We got married 20th May 2011.
“The happiest day of our lives”
“The strangest day”
But of course the most important I married my soul-mate.
A date after everything I cannot comprehend that we got married,
or how long we have been married,
not because I don’t love my husband but a way I guess to stop my brain from hurting, post Melody.
Our wedding album a weird elephant in the room.
The date we received it was the day it all went wrong with Melody.
Brains are strange things.
I wonder Is mine damaged?
May 15th Could have been her discharge date.
A date we were told she could have been coming home,
as day our lives should have changed with a new baby in the house,
full of wonder at the happy balloons.
Instead the house was full of silence.
Of course it will always be full of what ifs because May
“should” have given us our honeymoon baby.
But instead May has given me marriage and friendship.
May brought me the ‘talkers’ and the ‘flowers’
And for that I am grateful for May.
Thoughts to everyone else struggling with May candle

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