Losing more than Melody

As time moves forward, the time spent with our little girl goes further and further away, you realise that you’re able to breathe, to open your eyes with out painful tears. 
To speak about her with a smile, a relief to be able to speak her name with not so much of a pity, head tilt look. You realise that actually you’re living a normal that you never thought you had, or would ever reach. 
Certain situations are easier to get through, a crying newborn baby, doesn’t strangle your heart. The pregnancy announcement, that doesn’t make you want to curl up in a ball and cry…”Why not me?”
You don’t really know when or even how you reached that point of calm, but it can definitely be a strange place to be. 
Then something happens to you, something that isn’t new, it takes you by surprise, just by how much the loss of Melody has indeed changed me. 
That to me there is nothing worse than having to say goodbye to a little girl who we did spend time with and fall in love with. 
A new kind of numb, where you’re not sad by the circumstances, confused not knowing what to think, a realisation that actually you still are and will be broken. 
A cold exterior, that brings you back to the realisation that actually being a bereaved parent changes every thing about you! 
And although at this moment in time, I’ve no thoughts or beliefs of where Melody may be; but I do know that she has shown me a way that, can protect me from a unnecessary heartache, and that what will be will be and  for me there is no bigger force than that of saying goodbye to our little girl. 
I’m not cold, I just see things differently..

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