It Didn’t Feel Right Not To Do Something.

I try to be organised with my uniform shopping every year. I’m not keen on mad,last minute crowds. I like to get it all over and done with,apart from shoes,those I’ll do later.
All my children who need back to school accessories, have their things. Jumpers,bags,trousers socks.
Except one of my children I’ve only needed to buy one item,something small. She doesn’t need it,but this is the year she should have been leaving play school, and beginning her journey into reception iin September.
We had excited conversations about how one would leave primary as one would begin.
My son would speak excitedly about how he’d show her the ropes,he was going to be the proud big brother.

Of course he will get to do his job,but not for another year.
And not with Melody.
New secondary school uniform was purchased, it didn’t feel right not buying Melody something either.

Weird? I hear you say. 
I’m the person, if you buy for one,you try and buy for them all.
She should have been starting school this year, crisp new uniform. Even a brand new design of jumper for the school. 
At least she should have.
It didn’t feel right not getting her a piece of school memory.
Of course it didn’t feel right buying a jumper for her to never wear either. 
So,a tie. 
Representing her should have been year of starting school. 
We’re even sending cakes to her little sister’s playschool, because it should have been her leavers party too
It didn’t feel right,not to do something.
It’s set me back a little. 
I kind of expected it. But it also has caught me off guard at the same time.
I have so much love for all the parents of missing four year olds this year. I hate that we’re not alone. 
It’s a moment.
I’m ok.
It’s allowed. 
I’m missing a milestone.
I’m missing my girl.
I only had a chance to grow for a short while. 
My memory remains. 
I never grew too fast. 
Melly

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