I Wish I Could Find Comfort

Following a path, you have no idea where it leads to. 
Some steps lead to light, others more of the darker tones. 
The pretty poems, that are chanted in your direction, 
the simple phrases that are supposed to hold some comfort,
leaves you often looking for a different side. 
I wish I could find some comfort
In the beginning, we were shown the words 
“Too Beautiful for Earth.”
A wonderful sentiment, brings so much comfort by so many,
for the person supporting and of course the grieving. 
I already had children, are they not beautiful?
I wish I could find some comfort. 
“She follows us where ever we go”, 
“Don’t think of her as in the ground, she’s not there, her spirit isn’t there”. 
“She’s gone from her body.”
But you see when I visit her, 
I watched the undertakers place her in the ground, 
I don’t remember any one removing her from her tiny box, 
her forever bed. 
She is there, no where else but there. 
I wish I could find comfort, that she isn’t there. 
I have always followed the concept of Rainbow babies, 
Angels, fluffy clouds, and heaven. 
Truth be told for me, I’m not sure what sits right. 
Angels, playing in the clouds harps and singing pretty songs.
Fluffy clouds, white and cosy, there’s no where else they should be. 
A place in heaven waiting for me, until we meet again, 
the order of this is wrong, a parent saying goodbye to their child. 
It’s not how it’s supposed to be. 
I wish I could find comfort. 
I love the idea of something good, something beautiful from the pain, 
I’ve found friendships and of course lost friendships, 
but losing her hasn’t lessened.
A Rainbow Baby, the calm after the storm, the special one.
Rainbows come after a storm. 
The storm is far from over, a piece is still missing, and will always will be. 
A Lighter Baby Instead
Yet I still can’t fully find the comfort in this. 
Her sister and brother, don’t quite get a label, “Sunshine babies” “Before the storm”
I still have them, they still have a sister who died. 
Separated as the before and after children,
the ones who met her, from the ones who didn’t
They can’t take comfort in this. 
We all have ways of finding comfort in many different things. 
In fact I find it a comfort to hear people’s special and personal ways.
I Just Wish I could Find Comfort Too. 
Our Baby Died, there’s no comfort in that.

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