Today it has been Two Years Three Months Two Weeks and Five Days,
since the final day we smelt her baby smell
since we felt her warm breath on our cheeks.
Her warm soft skin under our finger tips.
120 weeks today since we heard the words
“She will not survive”
(This one was when she was hours old, we don’t share her very early ones often,
not because we’re ashamed, but we don’t want ignorance to insult her beautiful being)
Yet today, I am rediscovering our tiny baby all over again.
Falling in love like it’s the first time I’m seeing her,
only I’m still not having her in my arms, or that anything miraculous has happened.
But a kind hearted friend, (Paul) offered the most beautiful gift
the gift of us seeing Melody’s face, her whole face.
It’s a strange notion that we had never seen her face ‘properly’
She stayed a lot in a blanket of tubes and wires, her face always had some kind of tube on it.
Although she used to pull tubes (8 a day), because she was so mischievous!
She still had her vapotherm in.
Don’t get me wrong we’re by far ungrateful for the photos of her we do have, we know we’re so ‘lucky’ to have them. But we had genuinely never seen her face with out tape.
Even after death, after being in the care of undertakers,
although she looked just beautiful she still had the tape.
After a conversation on my other page, it unravelled that Paul would offer to ‘re-touch’ Melody’s photos.
I chose three, (hard to chose) but didn’t expect him to do all three, he didn’t promise anything.
The first one came a few days ago.
To see her face like this left us emotional and speechless.
It’s actually hard to put into words, what seeing this photo meant.
This morning I opened my mail to discover the remaining two that we had decided on.
This was the first one
Her face no tubes not wires just daddy meeting his little girl.
Our beautiful little girl.
Finally…finally even the children are speechless with this one,
we have the original on our wall as a canvas (Thanks to Jerry).
This is the only one we have of the three of them, although it is missing Melody’s little sister,
it is a favourite of mine.
They loved Melody so much, and it still pains me that they had to go through this.
Paul has gone above and beyond with this one, my boy even said
“Was she at home?”
As you can see this is absolutely amazing, to give not only us a photo minus wires,
but the children a more homely photo..
Thank you simply does not cut it, I cannot believe he has done such a thing, and will be forever grateful.
I’m off before I soak the keyboard!