I have struggled with today’s deeply. There has been so many unforgivable things we have endured since losing Melody, and it is something I actually haven’t the strength to do, or at least not yet.
Knowing Melody’s death was preventable, has been the top unforgivable thing for us of course, but fighting this will never ever bring her back, but I guess this is a different type of forgiveness, I have to live every single day without Melody, it is something that can’t ever be undone.
The other type side of finding forgiveness, is knowing how to forgive the people who are supposed to be there for you weren’t, how instead of helping were attacking everything we did to get through every single day.
Spending the time I should have been grieving for my daughter was spent worried about what we had done wrong to the people who turned their backs.
For me personally, although I will always grieve for Melody, I will never get over her, but grieving for people around us too, has hindered our thought process.
For me this is absolutely unforgivable, I should have been dedicating my tears to her, my anger at the hospital, my strength to her siblings, but instead I gave my tears, my anger and lost my strength to the people who never deserved any of my time in the first place.
I actually do deserve better, I just need to focus on the other sides of my grief, before I can even begin to work on forgiveness, who knows this may never come.
(Courtesy of Google)