Day Thirteen Season #captureyourgrief

For us it would have to be of course Spring. 
It is an exceptionally hard time of year for us, the constant reminders, even down to the flowers. So, very painful. 
February right through to the end of April, is so heavy. 
May is almost like the month where we’re trying to learn to breathe again. 
The month that should have been. 
If it wasn’t for my daughter’s birthday in April, could quite easily sleep through it. 
Not keen on April in the slightest…(we also lost my dad in April too), horrid month. 
The day she was born you see, was absolutely glorious sunshine and although I never stepped outside that day, I could see it beaming through, just before she was born and then after whilst I was in recovery. 
I do wish I had taken more notice of the weather. 
How could I? When I had just had a tiny baby girl. 
Although I didn’t see her for 6 hours. 
For the 35 days that she was alive for we had the most amazing Spring sunshine. 
We wore vest tops and flip flops all through March. 
(Sunshine beaming on her pillow)

Had picnics near NICU, whilst we waited to see her again.
Daffodils became her flower a firm favourite of ours, but also ones that bring a lot of pain. 
A painful reminder of who she was and what we have lost. 
But perfect for lost NICU babies, beautiful, but don’t live very long. 
They were her funeral flower, it’s all I now see them as. 
A blanket to keep her warm. 
Of course the yellows to match too. 
It’s hard to explain the way we feel. 
Spring will never be the happy new beginnings for us. 
But it will always be Melody’s reminder. 

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