Day Nine In Memory #captureyourgrief

I feel a little sad, and pained by today’s. 
Our little girl died, and we wanted to keep her memory alive, to be remembered for a legacy she will left behind. Because of how she died we wanted to raise awareness, get things changed, and her death will have already (we hope)changed a procedure that contributed to her death. 
We wanted to raise money for the research, for a change so another family wouldn’t have to endure the silent death, the silent statistic, that our little girl falls under. 
We organised a fundraiser in 2012, where so little people came, 
we could have just had a cake sale in our lounge.
Do not get me wrong, it was amazing we raised what we did, and for the fundraisers who came to support, but when there are more fundraisers than public..it’s disheartening. 
People said they would be there. 
They weren’t. 
Then we braved another event, thinking maybe people didn’t come because it was so soon after she died, scared to see us. 
Disappointment arrived instead. 
Watching the amount of support others get through fund raising, we lack. 
I don’t know why or what it is. 
But to be truly honest it is crippling. 
For the third AND LAST time, we organised a Wave of Light last year, no money to be raised just to light a candle (we provided), 
to remember the babies and children taken too soon. 
FIVE including my self and John came…FIVE! 
Leaving me broken, wondering exactly why nobody wants to do this, 
nobody wants to know. 
It is hurtful…
Which brings me to In Memory, is in my living children, 
to teach the next generation that baby/child loss shouldn’t be attacked or hidden away. 
That it is far from acceptable to be the one taboo subject that gets 
beaten and bruised time and time again. 
Constantly told, 
“don’t talk about it” 
“time to move on” 
“at least you can have another child” 
A phrase I don’t ever understand, or think is acceptable to say…
you wouldn’t say it to a widow.
My children speak of her without a nudge, with out fear.
  “We have a sister who lives in the clouds”.

I have broken the silence in three people, 
they aim to pass it on..
So for me it is no longer about raising money for research to save another family, it’s carrying Melody’s memory, bringing her with us. 
I am a bereaved mother, 
I have had 4 miscarriages and buried a child.
I am not afraid to speak about her, 
I am not afraid to raise awareness that infants die. 
I am broken but
I am still standing. 
My daughter, she died. 
(She was about 5 hours here, I don’t share her early photos often, I don’t think I have shared this one)

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