#captureyourgrief Day Twenty Three

Love Letter
I actually don’t know what to say to you this year. I have been so focussed on you not being here, my grief for you; that I’ve almost forgotten that I have a love for you too. 
Things have changed, I have changed…I need a brighter focus, I need not to forget you, but I need to be stronger, to walk with my head held high. 
I don’t want to hide you away, I am not saying that, I can’t move on in a way moving forward would mean for any other bereavement. 
But I need to tuck you away, safe and warm. A place where only the people who know you will appreciate you. 
I feel guilty for feeling this way Melody, but I do. I don’t want to forget you, I’m never going to forget you, you’re my daughter. 
But I am tired of being a bereaved parent. 
I just can’t do it any more
I’m sorry, I always feel I let you down then and I am again now. 
But I need to take back some control some normality, I know this is a new normal, things for me are forever changed. 
But I no longer want the many months of feeling like I am drowning, like I can’t breathe. 
You’ll always be our special little girl, we’ll never forget you. 
We’re just loosening the shackles, 
because we don’t deserve to be weighed down this way.
We spent an amazing 5 weeks with you, I hate that you’re not here. 
I’ll always wish that things were different.

I’m truly lost for words today…

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