#captureyourgrief Day Twenty One

Sacred Space
I’m not really sure we have anywhere that is “sacred” as such. 
She has her resting place, I still believe that is where she is, I’m now in a place where I am “okay” with this. I’ve tried forcing feelings of she is everywhere, that she “sends things”, but actually it makes me feel heavy and just doesn’t sit right with me. Especially when other people made it feel like they were taking her away from us. That wasn’t right, no-body should ever make grieving parents feel that way.
We don’t visit her grave often, because she is there, that bit I’m not overly comfortable with, but that isn’t “right” she shouldn’t be there.
We do try and make it pretty, and if the children want to visit more often, then we do.
But it isn’t my idea of something “nice”.
Here is her beautiful headstone, three and a half years on, and the colour is still bright. There is even fairy dust/glitter on it. 
We are trying to do  garden for her at home, but finances, weather and commitments are just slowing us down, we will get there….one day. 
We do have a shelf for her in our lounge, I had a moment recently where I wanted to take it down, I spent ages feeling guilty that we didn’t have a shelf for her, every one else seemed to have one for their babies, but we didn’t. I was relieved when it went up. Now I’m not so sure.
But it remains there, it isn’t a shrine. 
Its just a little piece of someone who is missing, when there should be toys.
It holds a photo of her and a photo of a Carly Marie Sand Picture.
A Buzz Light year
Three Fairies
A Go-Go
A sign
A Daffodil Pound coin
A Cloud Baby
Two or three candles, one being her main one as it is personalised to her.
Its not the best of pictures, but is the most recent.
It’ll remain on the wall for now.

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