The first thing that springs to mind here would be talking, talking about the children who have died.
How Do You Normalise Grief?
My normal, could look different to someone else’s normal.
I see things in my own way, that I think is very personal to me.
For instance I don’t see Melody as an Angel, I don’t begrudge anyone else the title of Angel, it is what ever that person finds as a comfort to them, but to me parents call their live children Angels, as much as I wish Melody were an “Angel”….she isn’t.
But that isn’t for me to say, it is wrong,
it is a comfort thing for that individual person or situation.
There is nothing normal about being a bereaved parent…nothing.
I find myself living almost a double life, from speaking openly to baby loss parents about things that non-bereaved parents would have absolutely no idea about, and feeling “normal”.
Listening and feeling almost relieved to hear someone say “I know” and mean it.
The other side is a feeling of being torn, between telling the truth about Melody, or leaving her out.
I pick my moments, where I feel comfortable.
If I can pick and chose when I share Melody I am far better prepared for some kind of reaction, rather than to be caught off guard.
I am always weary when I meet new people, in the hope to make new friends, I worry about putting people off, most people I meet are amazing human beings, but there are people out there who simply do not understand, and child loss should never be mentioned.
I remember going to one of my first sling meets, back in 2013 I lied about Melody existing, only mentioning her (at the time) three siblings, it felt easier, but I felt guilty.
On the journey home I had that sudden gut feeling that I was utterly wrong, as these new friends befriended me on social media, they would find out my secret…
Actually I didn’t need to have this fear, because they proved to be great friendships.
Caring, understanding and took me exactly as I am, Melody and all.
Grief is one subject that remains a silent topic, especially child grief there are expectations to be over the sadness quickly, to move on, forget and even replace.
People are incredibly blasé about baby loss, telling parents they can “always have another” or “better luck next time”, words that would certainly never be used to a grieving widow or a child losing a parent. “You could always get a new dad…”
I am hoping in time the more infant loss has been spoken about the less it will be a taboo subject. Hoping people will one day come to realise that it isn’t contagious, the parents aren’t crazy.
We are allowed to mention them.
And that no-one will feel like they are living a double life.
Wasn’t really sure on photo today, so as I am trying to normalize my grief, I was show off my reason for being here.
Our beautiful girl.
Our Miniature Hero