#captureyourgrief Day Seventeen

Secondary Losses
The loss of relationships have been the biggest things, the utter betrayal, the shock of people’s behaviours during the time when we needed them most, is beyond me. 
From when I begun to become poorly with Melody, I used social media a lot as a way of venting, it was also easier to update people rather than several phone calls and texts. 
I had “friends” rather than offer support, take what ever I wrote and used it against me, like when she was born. In the beginning the children liked to visit Melody at her graveside often, it wasn’t a choice we made, if people had bothered to ask, we don’t actually feel comfortable visiting too often, but we don’t begrudge the children, we have been completely led by them. Only for “friends” to gossip that we were visiting too much, spending too much time there, even suggesting to the children that we spend all of our days in tears on the sofa….
Ignorance and quite hurtful. 
Family members wanting us to move on, or not mention her name. 
Told us the children had said we didn’t love them any more because Melody had died…
When that was the absolute opposite to what I felt for Melody’s siblings, if it were possible I fell in love with them more. 
These people never seemed to have taken a genuine thought for us. 
Although I’d rather not have lost Melody to see people in these colours, but she had shown me just how dark these people are, to build walls. 
Sadly its destroyed my trust in humans. If people think it is acceptable to beat you whilst you’re already vulnerable, then they’re simply not decent human beings. 
If only we weren’t the only ones to see it…
I also lost a job choice, I used to love the care industry, whilst pregnant with Melody I was working for a care agency, I saw so much.
But after losing her, I could no longer face it, there would be no way I could work in that hospital again, I couldn’t bare the thought of helping to save others, whilst my baby died.
I couldn’t….
Selfish I know. 
Stolen Innocence, I see things so much more differently to before, I won’t go into the details, because its private to me, but burying your child changes you. 
I see things clearly now

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *