Capture Your Grief 2013 Day Twenty Eight

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Today is Special Place
so top of the list would have to be her bedside,
this was taken on her 1st birthday.
The stone was finally fixed the day before her birthday.
It was such a heartbreaking thing to  have to do,
Where we should have been buying her a ball pool
and watching her play with the wrapping paper.
Instead we were decorating her grave.
We found a new found excitement at awaiting her headstone.
The pictures on the website, did not give it justice,
so for it to be this perfect was just amazing!
We are about to argue about getting curbing stone.
When we applied for permission for her stone,
we were told due to maintenance we couldn’t have a curbing,
yet there is other curbing at other graves.
Melody is the first baby in the “new” baby section, she is the only one.
But she in fact doesn’t get maintained very well at all.
And the bushes and grass is regularly over grown.
So if we can find the right support we’ll get her her curbing, so we can make her garden beautiful.
Seems so unfair that this is what we have to fight about,
a baby’s grave,
I wish it was normal things we had to decide for Melody.
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Then there’s actually the place where Melody was alive.
Her smell, her warmth.
Although due to my PTSD the place gives me great anxiety and fear.
And I hate the place….
As long as I can just think concentrate on the nicer moments, this can be put down as a special place.
This picture was when she was actually in the less dependent part of the NICU.
She was 30 days old here,
2 spaces away from going in to the growing room (SCBU).
She never made it.
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Lastly we have
Croyde in North Devon
It is such a beautiful beach and I feel so very close to Melody there.
Though a busy beach it is at the same time extremely peaceful.
We all love it there
xx

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