tommys together for change

Remembering Your Baby

Remembering her is easy; her life isn’t something we as her family will ever forget. She may have only been with us five weeks; but she has made a huge impact in our lives. For me personally, she has changed the way we think, the way we behave. We can’t just forget.


How Do You Remember Your Baby?

Saying and writing her name; talking about her and our experience. I could never have imagined not speaking about her…Believe me, I have tried. For me, it doesn’t feel natural to not talk about her, I speak about my children all the time; she is one of them.

Do You Feel You Can Share Your Grief?


When it felt like the whole world was turning their backs writing became my haven, starting the blog – although this one is only a year old, I have written since July 2012. It helped me so much to be able to get out my feelings especially when I found it hard to talk face to face. Because I found writing I found it easier to share my grief, to make people aware of how I was feeling. But it became my therapy too; it was a way for me to get things out in the open rather than bottle things up and hide away.


What Are Common Triggers For These Emotions?

Aside from the usual, like places of death, or even places of life too can be triggers. Saying her name, bringing her up is NOT a trigger, she is my daughter. After six years I am okay just dropping her into conversation without a tear being shed. But just occasionally I may be hit by the overwhelming sadness of how unfair this whole situation is. This overwhelming feeling, when it hits, it hits you hard, there isn’t really a lot that can take that sadness away; it doesn’t last very long.

Some people believe that these short outbursts of emotion are our babies wanting a little attention for a moment, which is an incredibly nice way to think of it like that. I believe that simply, it is so unimaginable, that the death of babies and children is so wrong; you just can’t get your heads around any of it.

Yet there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop those thoughts, or worse to change the outcome.


I’ll always remember and speak of her. That is my job as her Mum, to be her eyes, her ears and above all her voice.


Tommy’s Together For Change Campaign

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