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little daffodils

Together For Yellow – Alex

Alex’s Story

I’d like to share my little boy’s story.

I conceived my youngest, Alex when Teddy (my eldest) was still very young – there were only 16 months between them when Alex was born. Teddy was born 6 weeks early via emergency c-section but after careful consultation with midwives and a consultant, I chose to deliver Alex via VBAC. The whole way through my pregnancy with him I was terrified he’d be born prematurely too. I feel like I held my breath until we reached the 37-week mark. At 37 weeks and 4 days, I went into labour naturally.

All went well and I quickly made it to the magically 10cm dilated mark. At that point midwives were worried about baby’s heartbeat and called for a doctor. He wanted to try forceps but we rushed to theatre in case. Three attempts at a forceps delivery failed and an emergency c-section was performed.

By the time Alex was pulled out of me, my uterus had ruptured and Alex had been starved of oxygen for an unknown amount of time. But too long. He slipped into the world silent and still. The doctors managed to resuscitate him and rushed him away. He was the transferred to another hospital for cooling treatment to try to prevent secondary brain damage whilst the doctor worked hard to rectify the mess of my insides.

I joined my son that evening, having waited a day for a bed. Tests showed a complete lack of brain stem activity despite my desperate pleas and prayers. The first night of his life he crashed but doctors brought him back as I tried to rush my bruised and broken body down to the NICU. His body showed the trauma he’d been through and we signed a DNR to prevent further trauma. Life support machines kept my son alive for 3 days, but on his fourth day we made the heartbreaking decision to turn them off.

He never opened his eyes.

Never cried.

Never fed or needed a nappy change.

But he made such an imprint on my heart.

I’ll miss him forever.