Tag Archives: Capture Your Grief

capture your grief

Capture Your Grief 2013 Day Twenty Three Tattoos and Jewellery

Day 23 Tattoos and Jewellery.
I’ve not had a print necklace done just yet, I’ve not found the perfect one.
And Tattoo, I am waiting patiently!
So for today for me its pieces of jewellery that remind me of Melody.
We have a picture of me and my rainbow wearing matching bracelets on her christening day….
Melody is buried with the third one on her wrist.
I wear on special occasions as I am terrified of losing it or it getting broken, it is irreplaceable.
A little locket with baby feet (not Melody’s) on the front, given to me (again) by my old Birth Board, from a forum we use.
At the bottom is a musical note, perfect for our little Melody!
Day 23 Tattoos and Jewellery. I've not had a print necklace done just yet, I've not found the perfect one. And Tattoo, I am waiting patiently! So for today for me its pieces of jewellery that remind me of Melody. We have a picture of me and my rainbow wearing matching bracelets on her christening day....Melody is buried with the third one on her wrist. I wear on special occasions as I am terrified of losing it or it getting broken, it is irreplaceable. A little locket with baby feet (not Melody's) on the front, given to me (again) by my old BB from a forum we use. At the bottom is a musical note, perfect for our little Melody!
capture your grief

Capture Your Grief 2013 Day Twenty-Two Words

Words
Today is about quotes, Lyrics, poems that reminds us of our little ones
I’ve chosen a few:
From Top left moving Clockwise:
Take That – Rule the world,
A song played a lot around her death.
Robert Munsch – Love you forever,
We have part of this on Melody’s headstone.
Rihanna – Diamonds
This one is a recent one for me (and hubby it seems), but she really is our star!
Sia – My love
This song is so, so beautiful. The words fit so beautifully with Melody. Played at her Angel Day
Author Unknown – Little Snowdrop
This is on our Memory Box as you can see, so important to us.
The Wanted – Gold Forever.
Again the lyrics remind us so much of Melody, especially with the significance of butterflies, she really does light up our skies
xx
capture your grief

Capture Your Grief 2013 Day Twenty One Honour

Honour
Is there anything that you have done to honour your baby since they died?
Did you give back to the community?
Make a conscious decision to live as beautifully as possible?
Take on the role of helping others in your situation?
Maybe you work as an advocate for breaking the silence for our community.
Well in the beginning all I wanted to do was do something to remember and honour
Melody, I wouldn’t ever be able to take her for day outs, picnics normal every day things.
Wanted to raise money for good causes.
BUT
instead of making something good out of something so shit
It made me feel worse, humiliation at it’s finest.
when you’re waiting by the door or gate to your event that you have spent months and months organising
and not once but TWICE have more organisers there than visitors….
IT SUCKS…………………………
All I ever wanted to do was keep Melody’s memory alive
By making a difference.
To Break The Silence.
So there will be no more
organised big events.
I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO FIGHT THAT TOO….
In a brighter note when we were raising  a tiny amount of money, we raised for a lovely charity
Saying Goodbye a division of
The Mariposa Trust.
Saying Goodbye help to give support in Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Any gestation and any age.
Aside from the charity
I arranged a community Wave of Light this year
(again little response)
There were 5 of us and it was truly stunning,
the lack of people won’t stop me from doing that again.
I asked within my on-line support and gathered children’s names to remember and light candles for
(which I’ve already mentioned)
I do abstract names for parents
Names on pebbles, names in the sand, even names written in one pence pieces.
I do this because I love the therapy it gives me, I’m always looking for different ideas on how to do the names.
And parents seem to love them.
Just as I love seeing Melody’s name in different ways, I scrap book them, for her own little adventures.
Lastly and most importantly
 I admin on a loss forum,
which is so important to me.
To be able to help other grieving parents is just out of this world.
Our community is like no other, no matter what we hold each other’s hands
no judgement just warmth, and I love giving back to that.
capture your grief

Capture Your Grief 2013 Day Twenty Hope

Hope: 
Do you have hope for the future?
What do you hope for those who will join this club in the future.
For me
I hope that one day the numb feeling will fade….
To feel less guilty that I can’t open Melody’ memory box,
To actually be able to open the box. 
It’s something that bothers me,
but for now I can deal with.
In the perfect world I would hope no-one would ever have to join this club.
To carry this empty card around,
would be the perfect hope for the future.
But because I simply cannot save anyone from this.
My hope would be to become as strong and as inspirational
as the women who have helped me.
I hope I find strength
“Turn my Grief to Grace”
capture your grief

Capture Your Grief 2013 Day Nineteen Support

It’s just about the support every single day
which helps, but those who came along and never left us.
When people have turned their backs on us because
they are “afraid of what to say”
or
afraid to be near us in-case
“we infect them with infant death”
They don’t realise it’s just that we have buried our daughter,
but we’re having to bury friendships too.
This bloody hurts!
Truth may hurt too..
So it pains me to say that locally there has barely been ANYONE that
has stayed by us, it’s not as if our baby died….
oh wait!
So here goes
The obvious few, Nanny Julie, Grandalf, Laa Laa, Uncles and F aunties.
Friendship wise, Kelly, Natalie, Sam, Harriet (though she’s moved 🙁 ) Tash, Michael
Also the new groups I attend, supporting me by making me feel normal and not
“just the lady who lost her baby”
But the biggest support
has to be the on-line communities I am in,
This is not just the baby loss but I am sill in contact with ladies from Melody’s birth board they have been my absolute life line.
PAIL/BC, and the very close Facebook groups are so SO important to me.
I would be lost without these women at the end of a chat message.
They know who they are, though we’ve never met they are more than just “on-line friends”
Lastly and amazingly is
Jerry and John.
My best friend and Husband.
Jerry I am so thankful to be friends with, also in this “club” she has
held my hand every single step of the way, met through Facebook
she is now my rainbow’s God mother and very much part of our family.
I can say absolutely anything to Jerry and John and they completely understand.
They’ve also helped me to get out of bed.
John has been my absolute rock, my soul mate.
Even though we’ve had people accuse him of “kidnapping” me
and him not letting me do or see what I like.
This is far from true.
He has hold me up,
made me smile,
wiped away my tears.
I am so damn lucky to have him.
Thank you
capture your grief

Capture Your Grief 2013 Day Eighteen Release

Release: 
What do you want to let go of on this journey of grief?
Is it fear?
Guilt?
Worry?
Deep sadness?
Regrets?
Image
All these guilty things I feel
I sometimes wish I could get some kind of release from them.
But sometimes I feel I need to blame myself in some way to help me through it. 
We never had a Post mortem as we wanted her left alone, this is something 
I regret one day and not the next.
So many what if’s 
So many buts and maybes.
But most I can live with as it helps me feel closer to Melody without her being physically here with us. 
capture your grief

Capture Your Grief 2013 Day Sixteen Seasons

Today’s season would mainly be spring.
Though the autumn and winter reminds me a lot of her as I was pregnant with her then.
Spending day after day in the company of my growing bump,
being insanely sick!
So The Spring
It was a miserable couple of months before hand.
The very day she was born it was dry and nice outside.
By the time I’d come out of theatre,
I briefly looked out of my window and the sun absolutely beamed through.
And from that day until she died she had beautiful sunshine.
I wore vests and flip-flops whilst visiting her, it was so hot.
I even managed to get burnt whilst wandering through town.
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(A Couple of pictures I don’t think I have shared before)
We had daffodils for her Angel Day
We’ll always remember daffodils as her flower
After Melody’s service and we were back at her celebration
It rained and it continued to do so for a while too.
capture your grief

Capture Your Grief 2013 Day Fifteen Wave of Light

Today saw the International Day of Light.
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.
A wave that takes place across the globe, giving our children some light.
I arranged a Community Wave of Light for 7pm in our local Church.
I saw many beautiful lights last year I wanted to create my own.
Well as per usual 3 people turned up….
Only this time I didn’t feel disheartened.
There was a sense of peace and beauty lighting 50+ candles
for babies and children from my on-line network.
We spoke about our losses,
about other people attitudes and possible fears.
But most importantly about the babies.
I feel so proud to know so many mummies and daddies who are so strong on this journey.
I shall be looking forward to doing it again next year, I won’t be put off.
Who wouldn’t want to see such beauty?
Here are a collage of just a few of the pictures
capture your grief

Capture Your Grief 2013 Day Fourteen Family

These people and pets mean the absolute world to me.
We were given Melody then she was snatched a way after a month.
People think that because I have my older children and now a rainbow, that losing Melody means less than anyone else’s loss.
My family WILL always be without Melody, I fed washed her and cuddled her, we will always ALWAYS be minus 1.
My sunshine babies are hurting too.
My Rainbow will never meet her….
They have all been my rock.
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They have helped me to smile, and to get out of bed every single day.
They have taught me that nothing matters more than these guys.
Though there are things that scare the hell out of me.
But on the whole I’ve become a lot calmer parent.
When you have had the absolute unimaginable happen to you,
the little things are just that small fry….
So here is
My husband,
Leah
Joseph,
Angel Melody,
Kelsi,
Narla Porridge and Nemo (not pictured lol).
My absolute world.
My job is to one day make them proud
xxxxx