In March 2018, I had the great honour of being invited to be part of a major charity campaign; involving baby loss awareness. We had lots of snow at the time, so we weren’t even sure we would be able to go ahead with it. But the charity helped to accommodate us for the night and we were able to complete a series of questions.
July 10th Kicks off the campaign put together by Tommy’s – Together For Change (hashtag); to overcome the taboo and to break the silence of baby loss, to show there is support out there. The more awareness that is raised, the more it will hopefully get people talking.
To compliment my part of the campaign, I will be sharing a few of the questions for which I was asked, and the answers. The campaign includes several well-known faces, I am almost like a duck out of water, but if it means I can share our daughter a little bit more; then I am proud to be part of what will hopefully be Tommy’s biggest campaign yet.
Can You Tell Me A Little Bit About Your Experience?
I’d sadly had miscarriages, and I knew of babies dying after birth. But I only had heard of the babies who’d died with a poor prognosis, either during or after birth. I’d naively thought that once you had passed through the twenty week scan, which the chances of fatalities reduced to almost nothing. I assumed that we would be okay, especially as I had already had two living children.
How could I have been so wrong? When she was born at 26+6 weeks, I again felt confident that all would be well, that she’d get through everything that she needed to; after all when babies hit 24 weeks, it is a magic number, right? She had survived the first few days of her life, not only did she survive it, she sailed through it mashing all the expectations of a micro-preemie; she did everything that she was meant to, and more.
She lived until she was exactly five weeks old, as quick as that, she was gone. Sepsis took a hold of her tiny little body, and stole her from us. Not just her but our innocence, hopes for her future. Everything just stopped; plans and future thoughts were over. Memories which were made were turned into remembrances.
This baby who had plans for going home to her family, died. Life changed.
How Did That Make You Feel?
We were heartbroken; we had absolutely no idea how we were going to move forward from that moment. We didn’t know what would happen to us as a couple, as a family. It is the most difficult thing we have ever had to cope with. But because each loss is unique and individual to the parents involved, there is no real way to explain exactly how it feels to watch the life of your child drain from them.
There are no words. With this in mind, it can be incredibly lonely too. The death of our baby is fairly unique too, with the many, many baby loss campaigns out there; at times our type of loss doesn’t get mentioned or is placed as an afterthought. Which then follows the loneliness, and the questions about whether our daughter ever really mattered?
For me, sharing her story and assisting with Tommy’s I hope, that this will break taboos around infant death.