Then She Was Four

Melody’s Birth

This time four years ago, a whirlwind of decisions, transfers and a three-minute warning that our baby was going to be delivered.
In the morning I’d been told to remain as nil by mouth, although I’d just finished my sneaky piece of toast. Trying to remain relaxed from a night of being poorly, I attempted to read my Harry Potter book – book four. I’d been in the hospital for a few days so I decided I needed to read these books, whilst I had nothing better to do. My consultant walked in, I was told that I needed more blood taking and that before he would deliver me I had to read book seven.

That bookmark remained in book four.

I transferred back to the ward to awaiting instruction that I could eat. The doctor came, and walked by my bed jokingly said, how would I like a baby today? Well, not really we thought…
Three minutes later he speeds past the bed, tells me he’s booking a cot and he would see me in the theatre…

Within minutes, at least 10 people surrounded my bed. John was whisked off for scrubs. I was given forms and pens, for me to read and sign.
We later discovered I was just minutes from seizing.
I was given a reminder that I needed to remove my eyebrow bar.
The eyebrow bar that wasn’t returned to my eye brow, yet four years later, I still attempt to fiddle with it.

Wheeled to theatre, where our gorgeous little girl was born, kicking and squeaking.

This time four years ago. She was alive.

Four years ago Melody was born,670g of cuteness.
9 inches of feistiness.
I had two visitors that evening, I was so excited about telling the world about our tiny, precious girl. This tiny girl who was born at 26 weeks, had 10 fingers,10 toes; that she had made a noise when she was delivered. That although the gestation, she was a baby only miniature.
One visitor refused to look at my precious photos, I felt hurt and confused about why he didn’t want to see our perfect miniature princess.
The other visitor, he almost snatched the camera out of our hands to see our new bundle. Made the moment gentler. It seemed crazy, that this micro baby, was ours.

Four Years

Four years seems such a life time ago that all this happened, four years and no four year old to show for it. Almost four years since we held her warm body in our arms.
I can just about remember stroking her forehead, her smell. Kissing her tiny nose.
Four Years.
I wish, an empty one at that, that she was here celebrating her fourth birthday.
Her final months of play school before beginning her next journey.
I wish she was starting school this year.

 The bravest, sweetest of little girls.
At four years old she’s not as big as other four year olds.
She likes dancing, she never sits still.
She’s cheeky. Certainly a monkey with her name.
She’s bright, so bright…the brightest star perhaps.

I am so unbelievably lucky to be her mummy.
She has shown me so much. Taught me things, about people, about the world around me.

I just wish my birthday announcement could be different, the same as every other parents’ birthday messages.
But of course it’ll never be.

So here I am wishing you a Happy 4th Birthday. Wherever you may be.

I love you baby girl.

As always thank you for reading.
It bloody hurts.

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