baby loss, grief

When Words Hurt. Don’t Tell Me To Get Over It.

Why are humans so cruel?
I have never understood, even before I became a bereaved mother, why humans feel the need to attack parents who have lost a child.
I cannot for the life of me think why it is acceptable to be so cruel to parents who have lost a child.
“Hide IT away” – They Say
“IT offends me” – They Say.
“Photos of children no longer here is upsetting”
Well of course it is upsetting, that parent has had to say goodbye to their child, their life only just beginning.
Little thought goes in to how exactly a bereaved parent feels, when seeing these complaints.
No thought to someone who has had a stillbirth, watching listening to pregnancy ailments.
No thoughts to someone whose child died in infancy listening to the count down to the end of Summer.
Being bereaved, means you simply have to put up with it.
I am unsure as to why anyone would be offended by a parent proudly
showing off the one photo they have.
What is there to be ashamed of?
When I put a photo of my baby, I’m not posting to upset anyone, to gain attention or to offend.
I show because she is my child, no amount of ignorance with change or erase this.
She existed.
If you’re shown a photo of someone’s precious lost baby, be honoured, don’t insult.
You have no idea how hard it is to show such a photo.
We have chosen to not show our “after” photos, not because we are ashamed,
but to save the hurt of seeing someone insult our baby.
I guess we’re “lucky” (not the right word), our baby lived for a short time, we had photos.
There are too many who aren’t as lucky, who don’t have the choice, there aren’t many choices.
Do you know just how upsetting it is to have someone insult your child’s memory? For someone to say your baby is less than perfect because the have died, that person turns away or cringes when you mention their name,
It’s a type of pain that us as parents do not need.
Our baby was living, just because she’s not here she IS STILL perfect to us.
Being told to hide “it”, is where the taboo, the ignorance comes from.
Removing photos, stopping a bereaved parent from talking, ignoring a bereaved parent because your child lives, is not going to stop child/baby loss.
Having a dead child is not contagious, it’s not catching, if you see one it won’t mean your baby will die.
I do not understand why I would have to hide my baby away.
I wish I knew why people would want to hurt bereaved parents in this way
We’re regularly told to stop speaking or showing photos, attacked for doing what any natural parent would do, share their child.
I would never have said to my mother, to “Get over my dad” or “take photos down” or worse still, “That’s ok you can get another husband”
Yet it can be acceptable way to speak to someone who has buried their child.
It’s disrespectful.
I just hope that one day these people will never have to walk in these shoes..

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