Category Archives: Butterfly Awards

Triggers – Butterfly Awards 2017

Triggers

I am so grateful to have been given the experience for the second time. I didn’t come away with an award, I wasn’t expecting to.

It was important for me to get Melody’s story out there. I was unexpectedly hit with a trigger; a trigger I can’t even bring myself to speak about; because if I do then no-one would really understand. No-one could possibly understand the way I have felt and have been made to feel ever since. It is a trigger that is taking me a little longer to recover from.

Leaving me not only grumpy and emotional, but as alone as I did when we walked away from the hospital. Needing to ask; Why Me? What did I do to be left the bottom of the pile?

It has all left me questioning whether or not I should continue with Melody and Me. I don’t know if I am making a difference any more or just upsetting myself further. Listening to people state how strong and inspirational I am; yet I couldn’t get passed this.

I love writing about her, without her I wouldn’t have progressed to doing any writing at all.

The evening was without a doubt a beautiful evening, and well done to everyone involved – I won’t say winners, because none of us are. No tears were shed by me until the trigger.

I hate these half assed things, I am sorry for telling a piece of this. But right now I am trying to process; I am trying to work out whether I should carry on with Melody and Me. I am trying to get passed this crazy emotion. I am drained.

I will catch up with Capture Your Grief, it’ll not be on a daily footing, because that calm place I was in, I have lost. I am certainly not in the place of being kind to myself and mindful.

Thank you for your patience. Thanks for voting for me.

Thank you to the two people who held my hand at the awards on Saturday.

the letter M on grass

The Butterfly Awards, a shortlisting.

For the second year running I have been nominated and shortlisted for a Butterfly Award.

The Butterfly Awards are a prestigious evening to celebrate the work which individuals and groups do to support families of babies and infants who died.

I have been shortlisted in the blogger category.

It is strange to want to try and win such an award, because really it isn’t about winning this item, because my baby died; but for me it is to get her recognised as a person. To get her story told.

Awareness

During our time we hit many things, Hyperemesis, Antenatal Depression, Early Pre-Eclampsia, HELLP syndrome, premature birth, IUGR,  life in the NICU, her death the Sepsis, the protocols in which should have been in place, which weren’t All of these things I can raise awareness for.

So for me it isn’t the award itself, by her name coming to the surface, Neonatal Death and Post Neonatal death getting a mention.  My work as an author and her Mum; I can bring awareness to these things. To help support others going through any of the above and of course the loss of their precious babies.

Please find The Butterfly Awards section on my blog, to take a look at my profile and video.

Thank you

Melody’s Life mattered. She was here; she lived. She just couldn’t stay.

Melody and me logo, which is a heart with an adult and child hand,

#captureyourgrief Wave of Light

Many hours late writing about my Wave of Light 2016 experience.
As many of you know,I was shortlisted for a Butterfly Award. The ceremony took place yesterday (15/10/16). As part of the evening’s programme, there was a Wave of Light included. With a slide show of all our baby’s names together.
It was truly stunning.

So many,incredibly inspirational people in the room. 
It felt an honour to be there. 
I didn’t take an award home,but what I did take away is the need to raise awareness for baby loss in particular neonatal and post-neonatal in and around my area.
Neonatal (and post neonatal) awareness(I’m not alone in my thoughts), seems to be the lesser known,this makes families feel less important, less connected to the rest of the community.
They mattered too.
So many winners from UK areas, which make it very obvious where the support is lacking.
Don’t get me wrong, there are/were some amazing charities, organisations who offer the support. 
It shouldn’t be a postcode, or a draw to where the best face to face services are.
Care should not be different from one town to another. 
So rather than give up,I’m going to work harder, to ensure the babies who lived,even for a matter of days, aren’t the bottom of the list. 
Their lives,their memories matter. .
Yes I may have had 100 pictures of her,cuddled her a handful of times, she still died. 
She may have breathed for 5 weeks but she still died. 
I want to make a difference.

(Taken by committee members of my children’s majorette troupe, love it).