capture your grief

Capture Your Grief 2012 Day Twenty Two Place of Care/Birth

I’ve not been able to feel comfortable to be around her place of birth let a lone photograph it. I find it a difficult place to be near. I have to have regular appointments there, and I really need to psych myself up to go. But I am beginning to find my own way of coping having to be there, with the help and understanding of my husband.
So the other option was to take photos of people who were around to help. So I have collaged just a few of their names, I can’t name everyone as when she was actually born as there was so many people in the room to help her and me there was just enough room for equipment! Was a sea of blue.
Becky was my midwife throughout my pregnancy she was of amazing support. She also helped to get us in touch with Cruse. She also went out of her way to get my medication to stop my breast milk, which decided to naturally arrive the morning Melody died. Something so natural caused so much heartache.
Anji Was the midwife working when I was told our little princess would be arriving way too soon, I of course cried and when I looked around she was also crying, the emotion behind that moment I will never forget. Not only this after Melody was born I was allowed back onto the Antenatal ward so I wasn’t mixed with other mums who had their babies with them. So for days post surgery I was told I needed to be discharged, though I wasn’t medically fit, my BP was still over the place and needed medication. I was desperately wanting to go home, but I also didn’t want to leave our baby behind. Anji went and booked us a room at the family accommodation for the weekend, so I could transit home a little slower. This meant so much to us, she’d also sorted the accommodation out for hubby, the night before Melody was born when I was very ill.
Caroline Another midwife. She was one who assisted in my one to one care the morning before Melody was born, she even managed to sneak me in some breakfast, 10 minutes before I was told I would be Nil By Mouth until decisions would be made.
The time soon came when I would have to go to theatre Caroline was my named Midwife, she assisted to go through things and tried to relieve our anxieties. She stood by my head as Melody was born, and I BEGGED her to tell me that Melody was not born sleeping, I’ll never forget her soft voice telling me she was alive and squeaking.
Alex was one of the doctors who helped deliver her, she was also kicked by Melody as she delivered into the world. I have added her purely because she confirmed that Melody was indeed alive.
Ken My doctor, who I owe my life to to be honest (not to sound dramatic), I was visited every day by doctors for 4 days. This doctor was on he came into my room in the morning and told me he wouldn’t touch the baby until I’d read the 7th Harry Potter (I was on book 3, have still never gotten any further). He said I could go back to the ward and see how I felt. Mid morning he walked passed my bed to say he would check my bloods, within 3 minutes, he walked passed my bed to tell me he was booking a cot in NICU and that he would see me in theatre.
Had he left me any longer I would have fitted and neither of us would have come home (later discovered to be HELLP syndrome, severe form of pre-eclampsia). This man is awesome. Once Melody was delivered the mood lifted and he came across calm and had a normal conversation with us while I was being stitched. He is my doctor again now and I owe him big time for what he is doing.
Helen lastly but no means least is my midwife post operation. She did nothing but go above and beyond her duty (in my opinion), she went through in detail that that due to the trauma I may not be able to feed Melody. But she arranged a pump, she made sure Hubby was able to see Melody asap. She really helped us a lot. She’d come in regularly to check my legs had come back, so she could assist me to go and meet my daughter for the first time. Such little things meant a lot.

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