Statistics hit right where it hurts, sometimes facts, numbers figures are heard better than the stories behind them.
But while we concentrate and fascinate ourselves with numbers – maybe even obsess with them. It is forgotten that there are real life people behind them.
For the first couple of years I searched high and low for a statistic of where I would fit in; where our story fitted in; this has led to countless of thoughts of did any of my losses matter?
Five miscarriages, how can I be 1 in 4, when I have watched five positive pregnancy tests return to negative. Heartbeat for my first baby as a young Mum, stop because the sonographer hadn’t turned the monitor around – when just one week before a heartbeat flickered on the screen. In that instant, as I went from a naïve young mum-to-be, I became a number.
Repeatedly told that these things just happen, that it probably wouldn’t happen again, because the numbers tell us so. You’ve had healthy children the odds of baby loss are less now – you know you can do it.
So, when our baby died at five weeks old, after being told she had an 80% chance of survival when she was born rising to 100% when she was given a discharge date. All we heard was numbers, high numbers of odds, of how great these micro premature babies do out of the womb.
Some numbers aren’t as easily recognisable, as others. Not all figures include all losses. The 1 in 4 mostly misses out the babies who live and die.
Our daughter isn’t a number, I don’t trust the statistics. Babies, the children the lives which are cut short are more than numbers and odds which are for or against their tiny lives.
1 in 4 seems like an avoidable number, accept when it is not, accept when miscarriages go unreported, because they were too soon to be registered for booking. My last miscarriage in early 2018 was merely down to one of those things – “go home and rest, your body has done this before”.”you didn’t want another baby anyway.” (I was sterilised four years ago)
Statistics are important but lets not forget the names behind the numbers.
I am not 1 in 4, I am not a number. Our daughter is more than a statistic. She is a person who died. Please remember that.