Your friend, your family member has something so unimaginable happen to them. The happy moments, the most wonderful news…changes.
In an instant. So suddenly everything is different.
Your friend, your family member, their baby, their beautiful child dies.
It’s not the way it’s meant to happen. Not the right order.
But it does, it has happened.
What can you do?
What can you say?
Be there, be that Rainbow in the family’s storm.
Don’t be the person who friend requests on social media, to someone you barely know, to watch the devastation unfold and offer nothing in return.
It is not a holiday, and you are not a tourist – sightseeing.
Their baby’s death is not your loss, it can make it incredibly hard for the parents to grieve in front of you if they see that you’re grieving harder than they are. A death of a baby is indescribable, the bereaved parents aren’t always strong enough to carry the grief of their friends and family too.
Never be afraid to say the baby’s name, honestly, it hurts more if you just ignore that there ever was a baby who died.
Never be afraid to ask questions.
The effects of baby-loss lasts forever, but sadly the initial support shown to parents, be it friendships or professional support doesn’t last that long.
Grief is boring. It’s dull and ugly.
Once the initial change has happened, people’s lives move on, the attention has gone.
Of course, that is fine.
But it can leave the parents feeling lost, confused questioning everything.
Never leave them feeling lonelier than they already do.
Cutting contact, turning your back without an explanation, hurts. As well as the grief they have for their baby, they now have a secondary loss too.
Listen, hear what the parents have to say, don’t change the subject, show obvious twitching; talking isn’t to grab attention. Speaking as anyone else would be about their child.
Baby-loss isn’t contagious. Actually, someone else’s loss could help save your baby.
Hard as it may be, don’t compare, no two losses are the same…even if they are…every person’s grief is different. It is as individual as the loss itself.
Nobody has a right to judge how you grieve.
Child loss to those parents last a lifetime, the grief is never-ending.
But the help with friends, family, the ones who stay, who linger. Are the ones who are cherished and remembered.
You’ll truly never know how much being that person will mean to them.