I took part in the first CYG back in 2012. The project co-insides with Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month-October.
To break the taboo,that is infant death.
When I joined in, I assumed that the first one I completed would be my only one. I was six months post death of daughter. I assumed that one year would be enough.
Enough to heal, because time does that.. Enough “to be over it all”.
But then the following year offered more prompts.
This was the year I discovered how cruel humans can be to one another. The project set for peace and healing,brought hate and pain. Trauma to hundreds of families taking part, who had their babies,their children, their memories and stories attacked.
An innocent public event was shut down. Even my own photos were attacked,photos of my live daughter.. It set me back months. Beaten because our daughter didn’t make it.
But thankfully the following year continued..
My Capture Your Grief 2014
I wasn’t going to let 2013 beat me, I wasn’t going to end on a low. I’m pleased I joined in. Another early miscarriage that year meant I was in a different place,different thought process.
When October arrived in 2015, I wasn’t even sure I’d complete it.
Melody’s new sister brought anxieties, I’d either suppressed or didn’t know about. Overwhelming hormones, exhaustion consumed me. My heart for Melody, for the project wasn’t there.
I’d felt like I was back to six months post death rather than the three years six months I had reached.
I did not want or need to be there again. Come the end of the month I decided I wasn’t going to participate in the 2016 Capture Your Grief.
Well, this year ahead of October I am in the place I wanted to be last year. Opportunities have arrived, things are different.
I’ve learned to walk.
At four years old,I know my shoes, I’m not dark.
So with this year’s subjects,I’m hoping to bring out a positive.
A comparison from my very first in 2012 to this year’s.
To make aware that this is part of me,who I am.
If by joining the project helps others then I know the positive outlook I’m looking for this year,will have been reached.
I hope any baby loss parent reading can find the strength to join in. Carly Marie is a remarkable woman.
Thoughts to everyone this October.